that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
