He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I want a musical about memes.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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