she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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