He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
