Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
