You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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