Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
