I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
