Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
