i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
