My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
bring money and cleavage
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
