My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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