At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
whose ass print is on the piano?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
