Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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