So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
