Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
