Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Randomize
