Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
