Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
