Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
