I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
