my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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