my sisters under your porch take her home
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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