I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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