he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
