people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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