he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
