Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
