You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
