I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
