Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
