he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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