i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
