I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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