I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
