so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
