Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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