Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i just had sex bonerless
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I wish you could order shots online.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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