That's intense
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Life is so much better after having sex.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
