I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
