all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
