Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
