Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
