He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
