I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Randomize
