TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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