the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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