I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
