Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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