why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
