sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
