Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Randomize
